where did the time go?


Hey readers, yep it's me. Did I disappear off this platform for almost a year? Yes, I did. About November of last year was the time I just stopped posting. November and December of 2019 were very tough months for me and I didn't have the time or energy to put effort into making a good post. January of 2020 I finally started getting my life back together. 2019 had done a number on me and felt like the worst year of my life. I had so much hope that 2020 would be my year. And for a while, it truly was, at least for the first three months. My skin was getting better, I was in great shape from basketball season, I was having fun with friends, and everything seemed to start to fit in its right place. Then COVID affected everything. March went from good to very bad in a matter of one weekend. Obviously, I have no right to complain because there were and are so many more people affected worse than I was. I never got sick, I didn't lose my job or lose any loved ones. But in my own little world, I was angry. Why was I finally on track and now it seems like it was all taken away? I hit a low point, I was inside for months, saw no friends, didn't go anywhere, no sports. I still had school at home but there was no outlet for my stress. The first two months were the hardest. I tried to occupy my mind because as an overthinker it's very difficult to keep your mind busy with important things. I got back into cooking, baking, playing guitar, but I couldn't bring myself to take up blogging again. I told myself:  "The world is going through so much right now, what could you say to make it better? Nothing." So I didn't post. Thinking about it now, I  could've said something, anything. Even if it didn't help anyone, it would still be something. But let us not dwell on past mistakes... Anyways, I hit a low point while in quarantine, everything kind of went numb, I started to not care about the outcome of events in my life. Everything didn't seem real anymore. I'll admit I was depressed but it was more than that, a little spark inside of me died. I let go of trying to make friendships work, I let go of hoping that things would open up soon, I let go of dreams I've had since I was 10, and I let my health go to a not so great place. I gained a bit of weight and I thought of myself as worthless. I was ready to give up. It wasn't until July that I started to enjoy life again, I started hanging out with friends and playing two of my favorite sports ( just for fun). July-August I lost weight and I knew it but I didn't think anyone else noticed. I think it was really good for me because I needed a push to get back up. But I was still feeling like giving up. It wasn't for a while or till recently where I have felt the motivation to get back on my feet.

Alright now that I've talked about where I've been, let's talk about where I'm at now. Currently, I'm trying to get back to a healthy mindset. For a while, I started caring a lot about other's opinions of me. I don't know how I let it get to me again. But it did and now I'm working on getting rid of that mindset. Also before I kept telling myself, I want to get back to who I was before. I want to look like her and I want to think like her. But now I'm telling myself, no. You in the past might've looked like she had her stuff together but she really didn't. You can be even better than she was. And that, my friends, is my goal. I will be better than ever before, physically and emotionally. I know it sounds like a big goal to put out there, but I truly believe that if I put it out there in the open that I will reach it. I'm not going to tell you how I'm going to get there or when, but the important fact is that I will achieve it. I know it has been proven that goals kept to yourself are more likely to be achieved but at the same time, I think it's important to let others support you. 

Currently, it is September, I've started senior year of high school, I have no clue what this school year holds but I'm working on getting to the point of being 100% ready for whatever comes my way.

 As the season is changing from summer to autumn, I am very excited for new posts that I get to write to put on here. If you're not already subscribed, by email, or following on bloglovin', I would love to invite you to do so. Thank you all so much for taking the time out of your day to read this post. Have an amazing rest of your day and I'll see you around :)



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